Comfort in Chaos

I’ve accepted that Confusion is a natural part of the Human Experience; regardless of age, situation or stage in Life. Not the minor-league confusion over what the most ‘natural’ of natural supplements might be, according to Amazon (truly scary how much authority they’ve assumed). But the larger, ‘cosmic’ confusion on such topics as Happiness, and Life Purpose. According to much of what I read and hear from the collective of Wise People on our planet (I include writers, poets, philosophers and other Thinkers, in this mix), my confusion is all part of the fun. Yes, fun. Life is meant to feel like a gamble, a mystery, a stumble-in-the-dark to find the light switch. Even if you think you’ve found it, Life can plunge you back into the dark without warning, so, enjoy!  Comforting? Not so much.

I was in this thought pattern (read: cul-de-sac) when the Interweb, in its typical invasive fashion (which, It protests, is really all in my best interests), poked its nose into my current reality with its ‘predictive’ analytics. It seems that a deep dive into emerging topics that have foundations in science (the Heart-Mind connection is actually the vagus nerve in action, for example) can trigger emails from Numerologists. Yesterday, via one such email, I was advised to check my resistance to the many wonderful things (manifestations) lined up for me, like planes on the tarmac waiting for clearance from The Great Cosmic Control Tower. My problem, said this email (from an AI source, no doubt), was that I was not ‘allowing’ good things to flow. Clarity would come, I was assured, once I purchased the advertised product.

Like everyone else on the Interweb, I pretty much scan email headlines for any relevant bits, then hit Delete. But I couldn’t be too annoyed by this kind of spam, I reasoned with myself, since The Art of Allowing has become a commercial ‘thing’:  the obvious answer to every question involving everything from small personal struggles to major roadblocks to abundance and well-being. Accepting my responsibility for my own happiness is not a ‘stretch’ for me. But checking-in with myself on a regular basis ( read: meditation) about whether or not I’m self-limiting or even sabotaging my own dreams…is this really necessary? Amazon thinks so. So do a whole host of other people who want to make sure I’m living my Best Life, for a small fee.  But, is Resistance, and its cousin Suffering, optional?

Sometimes it’s good to look inward. Sometimes it’s better to just go for a walk, dance, have another cocktail, take a nap or soak in a hot bath. In my case, in this minute or two of self-analysis (about how resistant I am), I chose to re-read — ‘comfort food’ for my over-active brain – one of my favorite authors. Meg Wheatley’s an important thinker who shares her ideas using our natural world as an anchor for understanding. Wheatley uses Nature to explain how Systems – from our own bodies, to our relationships, to our larger external world – are the foundation of everything. Paradoxically, a vital part of any system is chaos:  the kind of chaos that creates momentary discomfort, but also leads to inspiration. As I knew she would, Wheatley had something to say – a reminder for me, really – about ‘confusion’:

“We can’t be creative if we refuse to be confused. Change always starts with confusion; cherished interpretations must dissolve to make way for what’s new. Great ideas and inventions miraculously appear in the space of not knowing” .

(Wheatley, “Turning to One Another…”, 2002)

So today – whenever I catch myself thinking about all of the things in my Life that haven’t yet taken flight — instead of monitoring and nagging myself with questions about ‘resistance’ versus ‘allowing’, I’m going to take  comfort in the chaos of Not Knowing.  The blank canvas or page that requires confusion, uncertainty and especially skepticism about Formulas for Living Life Correctly.

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